eagle eating eagle flesh

I came to a fork in the road last week and took a turn in a new direction. I am leaving my post at a great organization whose mission I will remain passionate about for years to come. I have learned a tremendous amount over the past 3 years and now it is time once again to expose my flesh and bones to the elements of change.

I leave behind a safe haven that has helped me grow and develop new skills, but it is only now that I’m strongly on this new path that I can see I need this opportunity for more than career purposes. It is a chance for rebirth. A chance to shed the old definitions, habits and perspectives in exchange for those pieces that I want to keep and ones I still want to discover.

A few months ago I traveled to Oracle Arizona for a retreat in the desert. I woke up the first morning in the midst of a very lucid dream. I began telling the dream to people immediately over breakfast and sought insight from trusted friends; my extended family. In the dream I was walking with my family down a dirt road. I could see clearly my mothers, father’s, sister’s, brother’s and my son River’s faces as we slowly walked together. My mother commented on a bird flying overhead and I said “where?” River pointed to the sky directly above us and as I looked into the sun a giant bald eagle came into view. As I squinted and looked closer the eagle flew right over us and landed on the dirt road only a few short feet away. I was astonished at what I was witnessing. The eagle had another full grown bald eagle in its mouth and was devouring its flesh ravenously.

Eagles represent spirit and freedom. Spirituality, death and rebirth. The cycle of rebirth continues as we are able to devour our own flesh and liberate ourselves from the tyranny of habit, of convention, of dependence. I have been devouring my own flesh lately and while it hasn’t been the most comfortable sensation I’ve ever experienced, I am finally beginning to see that it is opening the door of rebirth for my soul.

My sister came for a visit recently and she shared a dream of hers. I won’t explain the whole story or all the details here because the back story is much too long and I’m not sure I can tell it yet. I will simply say that she killed our father and it felt good. It liberated her in a way she had never experienced and allowed her to shed some fears and anger she has embodied for quite some time. While it was painful in a way to listen to the story, it brought great joy to see her shine a bit from the inside and realize to some degree that she was the master of her own destiny. She has the ability to walk in grace.

The day after my eagle eating eagle dream I received a writing assignment from a mentor. She said simply “write what you believe in, be bold, be strong”. I woke up after a night sleeping under the desert stars and began writing as the sun rose over the rocky desert landscape. And as the light faded in with the songs of the birds, I wrote a simple and moving (at least for me) story about a very important and positive experience I had with my father some time ago on a journey in the desert country together.

I know there is much more flesh to pick off the bones still. But as I move down this new path with awareness, I am conscious of the choice I have to walk in grace. Or not.

~ by c4hair on June 18, 2008.